As I pass a storefront in downtown Mesa, my nose caught a certain scent. The scent was one not to be forgotten, as I traced it back home to Danville. My memories of munching on delectable pastries from the Danish Market flooded my mind. Scents of kringles and marzipan hit my nose. Flour, milk and eggs- the three must haves in a Danish treat. I was so completely caught off guard, but flourished in the moment, and took in every last almond horn aroma that I could grab. Rich and buttery flakey dough. I could simply bask in it if I was allotted enough time. The raspberry and cherry jams lingered in the air. Oh what torture.
What is this place? Who comes up with these concoctions? Surely it is not Hans Larsen himself, conjuring up these luscious treats in the back of his shop. Of course Hans did not travel from Northern California to Downtown Mesa to make these treats.
Aggies Bakery? Who is Aggie?! Aggie must be a Danish goddess. I am nearly swimming in the fragrant, yeast filled dough.
Aggies Bakery.
I’ve found a new treat.
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What I noticed right off was how sensory everything was. We had "scents" and "aromas", "almond horns' and "jams." Every word had a distinctive role. Also I noticed that you made a point to use strong metaphors, which flash fictions are known for. " I am nearly swimming in the fragrant, yeast filled dough."
ReplyDeleteThere were a couple things that could use revision. "The scent was one not to be forgotten, as I traced it back home to Danville." The order is kind of awkward. Also sometimes fragments have a powerful place in writing but, "Rich and buttery flakey dough" didn't seem to work as a fragmented sentence here.
Overall good job!
This is one of your best posts; I love the textures, beautiful description, and the sense of elation and desire. This could be the beginning to a more developed reflection essay about memories of a previous home (Danville). You end on a lighter note, which is funny, but if you did develop this... know that you have your reader's attention and you can bring us to places that reveal greater depth. Great work.
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